The Devil's Philanthropy
by midnightstealth
Summary: A new school rule has been put into place...every sports team must perform community service. What happens when the Rikkai regulars are stuck volunteering at a daycare? Nothing but trouble.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey there so I am currently typing from the couch. I am sorry that x is three will be updated after I get home on June 3****rd****. I forgot to e-mail the document to myself. This is a request made by sugartensai and I am going to write it. I hope you enjoy the first chapter of this story and I do not own PoT.**

It was a normal day in Rikkaidai, but as we all know nothing is normal and if there is a slight semblance of such it never lasts. Yukimura came into the court and called the regulars over. He had some news for them and he didn't think any of them were going to be overjoyed.

"There has been a new rule put in place for all sports teams in the school," Yukimura relayed to the team.

"What is going on now?" Niou asked slightly annoyed that practice had been interrupted,

"Every club needs to pick an activity to show that the sports clubs can be philanthropic," Yukimura sighed while resisting the urge to rub his temples.

"I don't want to do anything for Phil or Thropic!" Kirihara shouted in distress.

"It means we have to do some form of community service, brat," Niou explained as Kirihara ran around in circles terrified.

"What options do we have? I think we should promote mint gum chewing during tests," Marui said popping his gum.

"No there was a list that I had to choose from and sadly there was only one option left. Working at a daycare center," Yukimura looked at his team for a reaction. There was silence for a few awkward minutes before Yagyuu spoke up.

"By daycare you do mean like a building full of children and screaming babies that need constant attention, correct?" He inquired pushing up his glasses.

"Yes, I am sorry, that is exactly what I mean, however, we will take turns so they will give me a schedule tomorrow and I will make copies for all of you. Now get back to practice," Yukimura barked at the regulars. The all reluctantly went back to practice wallowing in the horror that was their community service project.

(The next day)

During the morning announcements no one was really paying attention, save Sanada, until they heard something about tennis. All of them looked up from whatever they were doing and waited for the announcement to be repeated.

"Would all tennis club members please report to the clubhouse for a special meeting during the morning break," the lady's voice rang over the speaker system. All of them looked confused until it finally dawned on them that Yukimura must have the schedule. Morning break seemed to come too soon and all the regulars trudged to the clubhouse where they found Yukimura waiting for them with a stack of papers.

"As most of you have figured out by now I am holding the daycare schedule in my hand. It is simple and all they ask is that you show up ten minutes early for your shift. Now here are the schedules and some information on childcare," Yukimura stated as he passed out the papers

"What the hell? Why do I have to be first?" Marui complained popping his gum, "Shouldn't the captain go first?"

"That is just the way they made the schedule, don't blame me," Yukimura commented to the team in general.

"OK. I shall be there tomorrow ten minutes before four," Marui reluctantly agreed.

"Good now let us all get back to class before the teachers get mad at us," Yukimura said with his classic 'I'll kill you if you don't behave' smile.

**A/N: SO there is the first chapter, I hope you enjoyed and I want to let you know that I will be updating all stories except x is three in the next two weeks. Please leave a review. And check out SugarTensai if you are in need of a good laugh because she is an amazing author, ^^ **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So I know this is pretty fast updating, but I'm alone on a couch by myself so I figured I would get a bit ahead on my stories….look for updates for the other ones too. But without further adeu I present to you the first real chapter. I don't own PoT.**

As instructed Marui arrived at the daycare 10 minutes early. He looked up at the sign and instantly wondered what they had gotten themselves into. He really thought this looked like one of those daycares that would be one of the first abandoned buildings to get blown up in a horror movie. There was a sign on the front that read JOLLY HOLLY DAYCARE in bright pink. It was surrounded by princesses, wizards, clowns, and dragons. Marui figured they had hired a drunk to paint this sign or it was one of the craft projects the older kids had to do. He walked up and walked through the door up to an old yellowish reception desk and saw a young woman sitting behind it. She seemed very tired and preoccupied with whatever she was doing. Marui cleared his throat.

"Oh I'm sorry how can I help you?" she asked kindly while she popped some pink gum.

"Yeah I'm here from Rikkaidai for the volunteer program," Marui explained popping his bright green gum.

"Oh yes. Thank you for coming. Today you will be working with the slightly older children. They are ages 2-3 and very energetic, but you will do fine. Ami is in there to show you the ropes of things. Have as great time/."

"Thank you," Marui replied as he walked down the hall. He came to the door marked 2-3 year old room and instantly wished he had focused more on his academics. There was one very stressed looking lady trying to do some story time with the children, but it didn't seem to be working very well. One of them was throwing glue at her while another was throwing glitter, and still another was trying to help but ended up sneezing all over the book. Marui tentatively opened the door and walked in the room. As soon as he did several children ran up to him.

"HI there how are all of you doing?" he asked in the most sugar coated voice he could. The children smiled up at him and two clung to his leg. 'I could get used to this,' Marui thought, Just then a kid threw up all over his shoe. Marui looked down to assess the damaged and realized that his shoe was covered in glitter barf.

"Mommy told me to stop eating glitter. She says it is not good for my tummy," the little boy explained looking up at Marui.

"I see. I think your mommy is right. It makes your tummy upset and it can be bad. How about we go get you cleaned up?" Marui patted the little one's head, "Ami, I will be right back. This little guy and my shoe need cleaned off." The only response that he got was a nod because Ami seemed to be trying to fight off children that were clinging to her. Marui quickly exited the room with the small child before anymore could throw up on him.

"The bathroom is to the left," the small child instructed Marui.

"Thanks. So what's your name?" Marui questioned as he turned left.

"My name is Haru, what about yours?" Haru asked looking up at Marui.

"My name is Bunta but everyone calls me Marui," Marui responded.

Haru just nodded at him as Marui started to wipe the vomit off both of them. Many paper towels and a lot of glitter barf later Marui and Haru walked back to their designated room. What Marui found there was even more shocking than the first time. Ami was trying to control the children while two three year olds had decided to start a fighting match. Marui ran between them and held each child back with one of his hands.

"He took my snack," the one child screamed at Marui.

"His snack is in his cubby, that one he took was mine," the other child exclaimed as he struggled to get back to beating up the other.

"Let's just calm down and go look in the cubby to see if there is a snack in the cubby. If there is not I will get you another snack ok?" Marui offered to the two kids.

"NO!" both men screamed at the same time. Marui squeezed his eyes shut as the children yelled and then he took a deep breath and tried again.

"OK, if we don't go and look in the cubby then neither of you can have the good carpet square for nap time."

After hearing this the children ran over to the cubby and started looking for the snack. Sure enough seconds later they found a snack and emerged heads hung facing Marui.

""Well now you can trade back," Marui instructed cautiously. To his surprise the children obeyed and switched snacks before going off to have a pretend picnic together. Marui then turned his attention to a larger problem, Ami. She was sitting in her chair now tied there and there was glitter and feathers strewn everywhere. Several children were running around her doing the chicken dance while Ami struggled to get free. Marui ran over to her and asked what she needed. He soon realized that this was futile considering she had a rag in her mouth.

"We are playing chicken hostage! You wanna play too mister?" one little boy asked looking at Marui. Marui was instantly horrified at the prospect of being in the same position Ami was in.

"Uh, no thank you maybe next time. I have to leave in five minutes and I would love to play next time," Marui stated slowly backing away. He really needed to get home and eat something.

"Five minutes. That's enough time to at least be captive for a year," the small child said smiling at Marui.

'Where do these children get these ideas?' Marui though. Just as it seemed he had escaped Marui felt a small human pounce on him and another one lunged from the side. Soon Marui was being shoved into a small chair by a bunch of three year olds.

"Stop I have to leave. Pluhsewaas," Marui tried the children as he had a rag shoved in his mouth. They tied his hands and legs and began pouring glue all over him. Then a little girl stood above him on a table and held a jar of sorts.

"Makeover time," she yelled as she poured the glitter over Marui's head. Marui coughed as some of the glitter got into his lungs. A girl to his side threw feathers on him. Mrui struggled for some time before he fell asleep in the small chair from pure exhaustion.

(the next day at practice)

"Where is the fatty?" Niou asked looking around at the other members of the team. All of them shrugged and looked at Jackal who shrugged in return. Just then they heard a coughing from around the corner and a shock of feathery red came into view. Niou and Kirihara were the first to burst out laughing at the sight. There as Marui in his street clothes carrying his tennis bag covered in glitter and feathers. As he walked by he opened his mouth to try and explain.

"I don't want to know just go change quickly," Seiichi sighed rubbing the bridge of his nose.

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the second chapter. Look for the next chapter sometime next week because I have a busy weekend (woot dinner parties) so I will not be able to update. Please leave a review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So now that I am back home I shall be updating a lot more. I shall try to get as much in as I can before summer classes start and then I probs wont update for about a month. I do not own PoT and I hope you enjoy. **

Jackal was reluctant to go to the daycare center after he had seen what had happened to his doubles partner. He walked cautiously up to the sign that reminded him of the terrifying days he had spent in daycare. Jackal came to the entrance and pushed open the squeaking door wondering if this was a day care or a baby jail. He walked in and found a woman sitting at what he assumed to be a front desk. She was painting her nails and only looked up when he cleared his throat.

"Oh you must be the volunteer. I think we 'ave ya in da kindergarten room with them lil ones," she said while popping gum. The lady reminded Jackal of a heavily make- uped, old, slightly gross, female Marui. She pointed with one of her fingers, well more like tlaons, down the hall and to the right. Jackal hurried off not wanting to stay with the scary lady much longer. Jackal followed the directions and came across a room where children were singing while a lady was playing a ukulele. Jackal recognized the tune and opened the door to the classroom. Immediately the children stopped and one ran over and clung to Jackal's leg. Another one ran over and looked at him in puzzlement.

"Hey mister I thought you were supposed to be a high schooler, but you can't be 'cause you got no hair," the child spoke his mind. Jackal tried not to act offended, but deep down he wanted to cry.

"Yeah, what age are you? Like 85?" one asked.

"No he must be like 100," another commented.

"I am fifteen," Jackal responded calmly as he tried to shake the child off his leg. The child looked up at him and started to cry. Jackal instantly felt bad and picked the child up off the ground and held him. This was a big mistake though. No sooner had Jackal picked up the child the child bit into his shoulder, hard. Jackal yelped, but managed to keep a straight face as he set the child down and then nursed his injured shoulder. He looked over wondering why the music had stopped and realized that the teacher was not there anymore. 'Where did she go?' Jackal wondered as he finally figured out where the instrument went. He looked over and saw two little boys playing with the instrument.

"Jebodia you are going to pay for your evil," one child shouted. He brought back the ukulele and smacked the other child on the back hard.

"NO NO I didn't do it," the other one was crying by now as the former kept smacking him with the ukulele.

"Hey, hey, hey," Jackal corrected as he ran over , "That is not a toy and not used for hitting people with, understand?"

"Do not get between me and the bad guy," the first child screamed. He took the ukulele once more and swung it back. This time he did not hit the other kid, but instead smacked it right into Jackal's nether regions. Jackal doubled over in pain as he let out all the air in his lungs. One of the other kids rushed over to him holding a cup of something.

"Do you need something to drink mister?" he asked before throwing an unknown substance in Jackal's face. It smelled like baby oil, butts, and something else that Jackal did not want to know.

"Ok let's all sit in a circle and do story time," Jackal suggested. All the kids got in a circle and waited for the story to begin. When nothing happen one piped up.

"Are you dumb mister? You are supposed to make something up," one little girl informed Jackal.

"Oh I see you don't have books here. Well, what would you like to hear?" big mistake. Soon there were children shouting out all kinds of answers.

"ALL OF YOU BE QUIET!" a smaller child shrieked. Clearly he was something of a disliked member of the group because everyone became very quiet. "We are going to listen to a story about a child who plays tennis and then gets angry and becomes a monster. Can we get ice cream and meat?"

"Um, that sounds like an interesting story, but I don't know if everyone will like it," Jackal shuddered as he looked at this child. 'I wonder if Akaya has a nephew?'

"We are going to listen to that one or I will tell my Uncle Akaya on you and he will kill you," the little boy shrieked.

"Oh I know your uncle and believe me he can't kill me," Jackal responded wondering why anyone in the Kirihara family was allowed to reproduce.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" the child shrieked as he got angry. His hair turned red and he ran up to Jackal and kicked him where it hurts.

"What the hell?!" Jackal yelled. Before he could do anything though all of the children were on top of him. He soon became a human jungle gym with children climbing all over him. One little girl started to put jewelry on him while another helped with his makeup. One boy was hitting him in the ribs with chopsticks while singing 'xylophone man xylophone man' at the top of his lungs. Another small child was painting his legs neon pink while another bedazzled his shoes with sequins, rhinestones, and My Little Pony stickers. Soon Jackal was a blonde beauty that was ready for the Miss Grilled Cheese Pageant, according to the little girls.

(The next day)

Jackal had just gotten off his shift at the daycare considering it was sleepover night and someone had to watch the kids so they wouldn't run off. He came to tennis practice in his pageant outfit and was about to go into the locker room to get ready when someone stopped him.

"Hey, there ain't no girls allowed in 'ere," came a drawling voice that Jackal immediately knew belonged to Niou.

"I am allowed in here Masaharu," Jackal bit back angrily. He turned around and Niou doubled over in laughter. The whole team came running over and all, but Sanada, burst into laughter.

"Akaya you never told me you had a nephew that was a horrid as you," Jackal said before storming off into the locker room.

**A/N: So I know Jackal doesn't usually say a lot, but I had to have him say something here. And there is no mention of Kirihara ever having a nephew I just randomly put him in there. Review please.**


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